a life in the day of...
Back to school (but I’m no Thornton Melon)

So it’s officially time to start getting nervous, as I signed up for my first classes today. As many of you know I am headed back to college for the first time in *9* years. This is gonna hurt. It all felt so noble and correct until I clicked that enroll button and memories of homework and stress-induced migraines came flooding back. Here’s hoping the experience will be slightly easier without all the girls and partying; wait, that doesn’t make sense at all…

At this point I would like to officially extend the invitation to all those who would care to help me along my journey; be it as a mentor, a study partner, or just someone with a shoulder to cry on when I’m in the middle of a 30 page research paper. Now if only I had Vonnegut to write my papers for me too…

here i go again on my own…(back to school)

Every college drop-outs biggest fear; the realization that success hasn’t found it’s way to your doorstep despite your greatest efforts.  So (somewhat) reluctantly I ambled   back down that road I thought I’d left far far behind me.  Yet a funny thing happened as I started out on that path, I actually felt a tinge of excitement.  It was as if I had been hiding a truth from myself that I secretly knew might be just what my life needed. 

It finally occurred to me that I had convinced myself that the decision I made all those years ago was infallible.  It became my own personal battle to uphold the validity of that choice even in the face of years of opposition.  All those verbal altercations with card-carrying members of brick and mortar institutions came flooding back to me.  I was fighting the idea that one needed a degree to make it in this world; when in reality I was just reinforcing the argument for a framed sheet of calligraphy hanging above your computer desk.  If I continue to claim the opportunity for success exists without actually achieving it, what are the ramifications?  Am I doing myself, and anyone else who believes they have a choice as to their life path, a great disservice?  I believe so. There is no shame in admitting a mistake, only in continuing to cover-up said mistake in the name of holding fast to honoring some intangible code of ethics.

The biggest surprise for me came the moment I started earnestly researching.  Instead of the feeling of trepidation I was expecting, I was overwhelmed with a sense of relief and excitement for the future.  For some reason I tend to forget that I’m the type of person who thrives on change.  Whether it be switching up breakfast cereals for a week or embarking on a whole new career path, I can instantly alter my outlook in a positive way simply by saying yes to something new.  Granted I may sometimes be accused of being somewhat fickle and shortsighted.  Still, there’s no sense in bogging myself down with time lines and uneasiness about the future.  I’m just going to dive in head first and embrace the warm currents of possibility.  This doesn’t mean I’m going to behave recklessly, I’ve already put in hours of research regarding which school and program are right for me; as well as completed my application for financial aid.  

There is no telling at this point what the future holds for me, but I can’t help but be excited to take the ride.  I’m learning that there is no blueprint for life, you have to live every moment before you try to turn the next corner; and you simply can’t predict what will lie around that turn.  I’ve learned that it’s okay to go back on your decisions and to constantly update your real life status.  Keep life interesting and just enjoy the ride.  As this adventure continues to unfold I promise to share my experiences, good and bad.

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my blackberry